Life does not stop for Cancer--The beginning

It's true it doesn't--not even a little. I know it never says anywhere(I know I checked) that life would pause while you deal with major trauma so that you wouldn't have to deal with all the other of life's drama.

In January we went from thinking Kevin may be allergic to our new couches then progressing to possible asthma problems. After a couple months of being off and on(mostly on) a large amount of steroids his breathing was just not getting any better and in fact gotten a lot worse. So after some tests we got a call that changed our life forever. It was March 9th.

The doctor says we got his results and I need you to go to the hospital and check in and the oncologist will be meeting with you. Umm WHAT? Could you back the train up about 3 stops and start again! Tests i got..hospital ok but why the heck are you saying oncologist? Now note this is the response my brain gave but my actual response was,"OK we will be right there." She said there was a mass the size of a softball in his chest and it may or may not be cancer.

So we get to the hospital--after we first go to Panera to get "his last real meal" before the hospital food began. After the unwritten hospital code of --all must wait around for at least an hour to be seen-- The oncologist meets with us and says this is definitely cancer and he is pretty positive it is Hodgkins but will do a biopsy to make sure. I say well could it be anything else--because with my vast Googled knowledge I had gained hours before I was just sure it could be this other rare but completely harmless thing. He says No, it is cancer just not exactly sure what kind. Well that's kind of hasty don't you think (again my brain thinking) my really intelligent response to him was "So then your sure, huh." He looks at me very patiently and repeats himself for the 3rd time now, kind of like how you look at your sweet innocent kid and have to break it to them that Jedis are not real. Oh wait that's probably just me that has had to do that time and time again. So then the doctor leaves.

We are left with denial (obviously based on previous conversations), shock, panic, and a little more denial. I felt like I was in some crazy Lifetime movie where about now the camera comes in for the closeup and the dramatic music starts. This just couldn't be happening..but it was. So all we could think of to do was pray.

The next few days was a whirlwind of tests, a biopsy and then waiting. We read alot on Hodgkins and were reassured many times that this was very treatable and so on. We were beginning to wrap our mind around it and then... Monday came and I show up at the hospital and I see Kevin's face and I instantly can see something is very wrong. I quickly go to his side and he breaks down and all I can hear at first is, "It's not what they thought....". Well I wasn't sure what that meant at first but I know it wasn't good. He then told me the biopsy results came back and showed me a paper that read Aggressive T-cell Lymphoblastic Lymphoma--treated more like leukemia. I just stared at the paper not sure what I was reading, I didn't even know what it was but I knew it wasn't good and again the feeling of a rug being pulled out from me came and would be a very common theme for the next several weeks. The oncologist at that hospital didn't treat this kind of cancer and we had to transfer to another hospital that specialized in these type of cancers. So we move, do more "mandatory waiting", and meet more doctors. No one now was as nearly reassuring at this point as it was before with the other diagnosis and it was terrifying. I wanted them to say this was all going to be fine and no one could do that. It seemed like every few days we got worse news as more tests were done and the staging was done. He was Stage 4 out of 4. Kevin never has done anything half way:) We were told of the treatment regiment he would start Hyper CVAD with 8 treatments in all. Each treatment was on a 21 day cycle with him going in the hospital on day 1 and staying for about a week and then doing it all over again. This became our new calendar system. This now was our life as we began our journey...

**At this point the end was so far from our sight- that was still so clouded with fear and anxiety with the unknown ahead. I think I had a constant prayer going in my mind and heart. I found myself on my knees so many times and just as often I felt the peace and comfort poured down on me. We were given an immense trial but we also were given immense Divine strength from a loving Father in Heaven to make it through. We are never left alone in our trials and afflictions. I hope as I unfold this journey that it will be therapeutic--if not I'll just stop and become the blogging slacker once again that I have embraced many times over the years...