BEN.......The New Kristen

I'm not quite sure if I should be flattered Heavenly Father thinks I have the capacity to deal with these last couple of uniquely messy adventurous children or if I really screwed up along the way and have to learn some major lessons.

I was just thinking not too long ago about how Kristen actually seems to be calming down and things are so much better with her. I guess I relaxed just a little too much and Ben felt the tremor in the force so he felt it his duty to step up to live on with her legacy of destruction and mayhem.

This month he:

Took off all his clothes and when I went to get him new ones he escaped out the back door and after frantic searching I find him streaking across my neighbors yard 2 doors down. I quickly get him hoping no one witnessed that but later find out he was talking to the teenage girl that lives there and she asked him where his clothes were and he says "I don't know". Fantastic!

He sprayed Windex on all the cushions on my couch

He snuck the cooking spray downstairs and sprayed it all over the floor

He went swimming in the little pool on our deck and again takes his clothes off and is floating for awhile--over and over I put them back on and then find his shorts off. I sun screened him well but later I see these bright pink cheeks race pass me. That's why you should leave your shorts on!!!

He sprayed a whole bottle of sunscreen on each of the cushions on my couch---just about where a head would be so it looks like we all have some greasy heads. It won't come out--Nice.

He dumped a whole bottle of Men's body wash in Ryan's room on the carpet. This is a repeat performance in a different venue. The first was Luke's Axe body wash all over the carpet in my room. Ryan and Colin didn't want to sleep in their room because they said it smelled so strong it was giving them a headache.

He sprayed cooking spray on my carpet upstairs. I even had it hid in the pantry and he pulled a stool over and found it.

I will leave out the several times of cleaning other things off the carpet that smell way worse than some body wash.



So I have been lax in keeping up with my blog and other things because I'm afraid what is going on if I sit down for one minute. I am sick of scrubbing. Being vigilant is exhausting. I'm one step away from a crazy paranoid lady that mumbles too herself with a rag in one hand and cleaner in the other. So you won't see me thinking or relaxing anytime soon--that's just too dangerous.

PICTURES!!!

I finally got the pictures to upload from my camera and then I dropped it and cracked the lens so there may be another drought of pictures after these. This is some of the stuff we have been up to:
Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Luke turned 14!! Wow that makes me feel old. He had is traditional plain angel food cake.
Kristen turned 4 and got a new bike! She loves it but doesn't know how to stop--the whole concept of pedaling backwards is just beyond her. So she just runs into the grass to slow down. Sometimes that doesn't work so well.
Easter was great. We had my family here for spring break and we had a fun Easter egg hunt. Then later we had another one with Kevin's family.

Ryan had his first piano recital. He got to play a song from Beauty and the Beast and from Star Wars so he thought that was very cool. He did a great job!

Axe-the gift that keeps giving and giving

If you don't know what Axe is than you probably don't have the privilege (that is my sarcastic font) to spend a lot of time with any teenage boys. This product is actually brilliantly marketed because most teenage boys think they must have this and that any other brand deodorant is just substandard in comparison. It used to just come as a deodorant and then to body spray but now it's out of control. They have hair gel, shampoo, and body wash in lots of different scents(with stupid names I might add like Clix, and Phoenix). I know it seems odd I care but the problem lies here. He has gotten several of these products for Christmas from various people and they are all different scents. Different strong scents. Different strong scents that do not compliment each other. Does that seem to bother him. No--the more smell the better. So I get to have my sinuses assaulted every morning with a fog of well, I'm not even sure what it is because its a mix of a musky ocean breeze mingled with some fresh Phoenix(whatever that is) and then a hint of teenage angst(that's their secret ingredient in every scent).

So this is a cautionary tale. Since teenagers don't believe in the concept of less is more--unless you are referring to work or lectures-- coordinate the shampoo and the body wash and deodorant to just one scent! Your nose will thank me I'm sure.

Did you know snow is spiritual?

On the way home from church last week Colin out of no where presents this question to me.

"Mom, did you know snow is spiritual?" I wasn't sure if this came up in primary or what so I just said, "Oh really why is that." Colin then begins, "Well you know snow is white, and pure and everything. Water makes snow and we get baptized in water so really snow is spiritual."

Wow that is quite a connection and I'm feeling all proud of him and his deep thinking. Before I can finish those thoughts i hear--"So I think we should be able to play in the snow today since snow is spiritual and its Sunday and we need to do spiritual stuff today."

Now it's clear where this thought came from--He does his most profound thinking when he is after something. Somehow my pride has faded a bit. Oh well at least he has progressed from when he was little and he would tell me Jesus told him that he needed to eat that candy, or Jesus told me you need to buy that toy for me.

So who am I to deny my child a spiritual experience--on a Sunday no less. So I sent him out to build a snow temple.

The way the cookie crumbles...or gets split

I have been terrible about updating this but mostly because I have a ton of pictures and a new crappy camera I can't figure out how to load them on my computer. So I will keep trying on that and update you on the last couple of months later for now I'm going to share a funny-kinda terrible story.
After a very blah birthday morning and an afternoon of battle of the wills. Ryan comes walking through the door and says Mom there is 30 kids in my class not 11!! OK I didn't necessarily expect a Happy Birthday Mom your the best but I am utterly confused by this statement. He says-- you know the cookies.....Well let me pause here and give you a little back story to fully appreciate my horror that has begun to sink in.

Ryan's birthday was Sunday and since mine is the day after we decided to combine them and have one cake on Monday night. So I asked him what special treat he would like on his actual birthday. He chose chocolate chip cookies so I made them and we ate a lot--the leftovers I put in a ziplock bag on the counter. He gets up sees the bag and assumes they are for a class treat(I wasn't aware that he wanted to take any to school--I didn't know if they even still did that in 5th grade) Apparently they do! So he takes them to school.

Now that you are caught up I say--Umm Ryan they weren't for your class--I would have made more if you told me you wanted that. They were just extras for you to have. What did you do when you realized you just had 11. He said that he and his teacher split them in thirds!! OK now I feel like a total idiot. What must his teacher think of a mother who sends in 11 cookies to a class of 30!! Here are all these 5th graders nibbling on there tiny sliver of a cookie and all the while thinking What the Heck Man? Not even a half a cookie-- a third of a regular sized cookie--that's about equal to one bite!!

So as he goes away with tears in his eyes I'm left stunned in both shock and embarrassment. I go find him and talk to him and it turns out he was really upset about the fact he could have had the cookies himself instead of a 1/3 of one. So I tell him I can make more for him--so he's happy now but I'm still left mortified thinking about the utter confusion his teacher must have been in. Another testament to me to never judge because there is probably a really crazy misunderstanding to go along with it.

If you give 2 kids a bath....

If you give 2 kids a bath

They will probably want some toys to go with it

Then they will ask for some bubbles

Seeing the bubbles will remind them how much they love the giant suds

So when you leave the room they will get the full bottle of body wash and dump it in the bath

Now that the bath is full of bubbles they will decide they are done.

They don't want to bother you so 1 kid will get a towel for the other and gives it to him while he is still in the water

Seeing the towel completely saturated in water will seem very amusing to the kids so they will go get another and another

You will then come in and see lots and lots of towels in the bathtub absorbing the massive bubble mess

You get it all cleaned up and rinse out the tub and the toys.

The kids see the toys and the clean tub

And chances are if they see the toys and tub they will want a bath to go with it.



My weekend encompassed this representation. I gave them a bath and once again they dump the soap. The bottle I put up high so it wouldn't be noticeable (1st mistake) but again scaling up a slick tub is not beyond Kristen's capabilities. Then I had 2 of my other kids watch them for a minute(2nd mistake)and I come back and find out one of those questions I could have gone my whole life not knowing--
How many towels does it take to absorb a whole bathtub full of excessively sudsy water?
Well the answer is 16--yes 16 clean large towels.Apparently dirty ones are not acceptable because they stepped over 2 dirty ones I had placed on the ground to absorb any splashes and emptied the linen closet around the corner.

I won't even go into the second bath scenario later that day. It was far less clean and just a reminder how inconvenient kids who are not potty trained can be. It ended with a complete sanitation of the whole bathroom. I think I just may have to ban baths in my house. Nothing good comes from them for me. I am just going to give them a box of baby wipes and have them wipe themselves down. It's easier to throw away 16 wipes than rinse out and haul 16 very wet, heavy towel downstairs and wash them AGAIN! I don't know if I believe right now that Cleanliness is next to godliness.

Being "Green"

I am trying to have a more positive perspective so my new outlook is my kids aren't lazy slackers they are concerned about the environment and are being "green".

1. They don't flush the toilet after every use. I'm sure it isn't laziness it's just them trying to limit water usage. I will just ignore the glaring contradiction of leaving the water running the whole entire time they brush their teeth or wash any dishes.

2. Luke and Ryan want to recycle almost everything--which may be because that is Colin's job to take out and they alternate taking out the regular garbage or they just love our planet.

3. Colin is very meticulous about what is actually something that can be recycled. He will study the object for the triangle symbol. Again maybe because that means less work for him in the end but I will go with he is just extremely dedicated to this cause.

4. They leave their garbage laying around inside the house. I'm sure this is because their deep concern for not overburdening the existing landfills.

5. Some of them don't seem to ever want to change clothes. Gross you say.. well, yeah kind of but think of again the water they are saving by not producing as much laundry.

6. They never want to actually use the cleaners to clean the cabinets or bathroom. They take a rag and just kind of half-heartedly wipe it down. Well imagine my relief when my eyes were opened to the fact they are just protesting the use of chemicals that can damage our planet. That is so much better than the alternate explanation which is they are half jobbers that have absolutely no pride in their work.

Perception=Reality right?